Building a Secure Attachment With Your Child

Building a secure attachment with your child in my view is paramount to healthy parenting. Having a secure attachment means that you have an emotional relationship with your child. This means the individual child feels safe and secure that you as their parent will protect them, love them, nurture them and take care of their basic physical needs. Physical needs include things like clothes that are appropriate for the weather, nutritious food and water and shelter.

Meeting the emotional needs of your child is not easy because we as parents are human beings. We have had our own life experiences and we respond to life's difficulties, challenges and grief according to these experiences. We get stressed, over loaded and at times we want to bury our head and make it all go away. However, as parents our emotional well-being directly affects our child's emotional well-being.

For me, building a secure attachment with your child is the platform in which your child learns about life. Most of all they learn about trust. They also learn to be confident in their choices, develop the self-esteem in knowing that they are worthy of love and to be in relationship with others. Your child's attachment to you as a parent will define the person they will become.

Trust is probably the most important facet of developing a secure attachment. This means that your child trusts that you as their parent will provide for their needs. Helene Goldnadel gives you an example of how the trust cycle evolves.

• The child has a need (eg hungry, fallen over and hurt themselves)
• The child has an emotional response (eg they are fussing or crying)
• They need a sense of gratification (eg the parent provides food or comfort)
• They develop trust (eg the child learns that their parent will help during a time of need)

So as parents to build a secure attachment you need to learn your child's emotional and physical cues and respond appropriately. if your child cries, comfort him or her. If your child is angry, find out why, validate their emotion and talk about healthy ways of expressing anger. If your child is happy, join in on the fun. When your child is playing, play with them and enter their imaginary world. This will in turn affect how well your child can trust others in the world to meet these needs.

Well Child Checkups: A Crucial Aspect of A Child's Overall Health Care

Most parents will hardly give a thought to taking their child to a doctor when they are not ill. After all, if your child is well, where's the need to go to the doctor, right? The truth is, regular well child checkups are a vital part of your child's overall health care. They allow your pediatrician to do a regular assessment of your child's development, especially in those first crucial years.

What Happens in a Well Child Checkup?

Well child checkups are basically check ups that you take your child to even though he or she is the picture of good health. These checkups are done at regular scheduled appointments from the time the baby is born till they are 3 years of age.

During your well child visits, your pediatrician will conduct a few medical tests and administer certain medical services depending upon your child's age and health.

At every doctor check up, your child's height and weight will be measured in order to track regular growth and development. In addition, the pediatrician will check your child's temperature and heartbeat and do hearing and vision tests. If your child is under 3 years of age, the doctor may also decide to do a lead screening.

Immunizations are also an important part of these well child visits.

Why Well Child Checkups are So Important

When you take a sick child to the doctor, everybody's immediate concern is to get the child well and healthy again and that becomes the focus of the visit. When you take a child who is not ill to the doctor, it allows the doctor to do a proper assessment of the child's physical health.

These healthy check ups also act as an effective preventive measure. Because the visits are scheduled regularly and recorded, the doctor will immediately notice when something is wrong. This allows the doctor to identify problems in the early stages and recommend a course of action accordingly or refer you to a specialist if need be.

Preparing Yourself for a Doctor Visit

For parents, these visits are the ideal time to get all your questions answered and all doubts clarified. As parents, we worry about our children all the time. Are we doing the right thing? Is my child growing as he or she should? Should I worry because my child has not yet started walking or talking? We have a hundred questions going through our minds. While asking other parents can be helpful, sometimes it can only deepen our fears as every parent has a different experience. When it comes to your child's health, it is best to get professional advice from your doctor. Make a list of questions and doubts as and when they crop up and take that list with you on your next visit so you can get all your doubts clarified. Use this time to get all your issues addressed whether they are on health and safety; growth and development; nutrition and diet or sleep habits.

Also read: Understand the Importance of Emotional Development of Child

Helene Goldnadel on The Impact of Computer Use on Childhood Development

If you are curious about the impact of computer use on child hood development and would like to know if your child is benefiting from your home computer or the computer they use at school, then read on to learn more about the pros and cons on the impact of computer use on childhood development.

The impact of computer use on childhood development in today's society can be beneficial and yet damaging. Some computer programs have been made to teach our children how to write, read, and spell. There may also be a large amount of children that have gotten more knowledge through using such programs and have succeeded immensely. Many programs developed throughout our technologies history have been proven to heighten children's learning abilities. Such programs include, matching, problem solving, and even skill building.

Another pro that can be considered when figuring out the impact of computer use on childhood development, falls under the category of learning how to navigate and being able to achieve in certain games that allow your child to defeat various challenges and levels. Completing these goals can build a child's confidence and make them feel like a winner. Some computer games let you choose how difficult or easy you want the game to be allowing almost anyone to accomplish a challenge.

Whether your child is at a young age or is approaching their teen years, some computer programs were made to be more of a menace to your child's development. Be aware of these games, for they can ruin your child's ability to learn with just one click. If your child is becoming obsessed with a certain computer game and tends to be getting more lazy around the house, then it is time to try intervening and helping your child find more upbeat activities to engage in.

Another important factor that you should consider while figuring out the impact of computer use on childhood development, is the ratings on the games your children choose to play. Some computer games are extremely violent and include high rating content that most children should not be able to get their hands on. These games can invite hostile emotions that may impact your child to the point of acting out the characters in the game, causing a problem for not only your child, but for everyone that lives in the home.

There are definitely some important factors that need to be explored before purchasing any computer program for your child or children. Try looking up the program on-line first to see what the rating is or if the program has any qualities to help your child in their learning development. Also, don't forget to check the rating on any computer games your child purchases or brings into the home. It is always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the safety of what kind of content your child may be engaging in.

Also read: Way by Helene Goldnadel to Develop Your Child's Genius

Are You Making Any of These Parenting Mistakes?

As a parent, "Connecting" with your child may be the most important thing you do. When kids feel close to their parents, there is less conflict in the relationship, more trust and more caring. Also, when kids feel secure, they are more likely to share problems, listen to you and follow your advice.

So let's take a look at 3 of the biggest and deadliest mistakes according to Helene Goldnadel parents make that cause a break in their relationship with their children, and, then, what to do instead.

1) Ignoring attempts at connecting. When your children talk, ask a question, share good news, pout, get angry, or even tattle what do you do? How you respond can make or break your relationship. Do you ignore them, snap at them to be quiet, keep on with what you were doing and give a slight acknowledgment?

What to do instead. How you react to all the small interactions each day is the secret to creating a close, trusting, sharing relationship. When your child talks to you, stop what you are doing (as often as you can), listen and respond to what they are saying in a positive way. They will feel valued and important and be much more interested in talking with you.

2) Giving evaluative praise: When you tell your child they are awesome over the littlest thing, praise their work as "absolutely the best" or tell they they are so "smart" they might smile and like it at first. But pretty soon children can begin to distrust and blow off your compliments. Sometimes they develop a sense of entitlement, feeling like they shouldn't have to work for anything at all. They might even become praise junkies doing whatever they can just to get praise.

What to do instead: Specifically describe what your child said or did, and tell the impact, as you see it. This allows your kids to "paint a positive picture of themselves" which builds true self-esteem. It also lets them know what they need to do to be successful in the future. For example, "I enjoyed reading your book report. All your research helped me learn a lot of interesting facts about dinosaurs. I had no idea there were over 700 types of dinosaurs."

3) Criticizing: There is nothing that can put a wall between you and your child faster than feeling disapproved of by you. It's especially painful if you attack character like saying "You're lazy, or irresponsible."

What to do instead: Respectfully tell your child what they said or did that you found unacceptable, suggest an alternative behavior, explain the benefits of your suggestion, and, when appropriate, ask for action. For example, "You left your dishes on the table, they belong in the dishwasher so they can get clean, please put them there."

Also, did you know there is an amazing difference in the impact of how you praise your child? One type of praise can cause your child to give up in defeat when he runs into an obstacle. Another kind of praise can motivate your kids to positive action! Changing a few words can make a night and day difference in your child's life.

Read also: Common Developmental Disorders in Children Discussed by Helene Goldnadel

Developing Self-Esteem in a Special Needs Child

All children deserve to hold themselves in high esteem -- that is, to respect who they are and what they are capable of. But many children have a hard time developing their self-concept to the level of being able to respect themselves, much less esteem themselves. It's up to you to help them.

What Is Self-Esteem?

There's a significant misunderstanding of what self-esteem is today. Too much of the rhetoric in our culture has put any use of the term 'self-esteem' in the category of 'participation ribbons' and false compliments. The truth is that those things actually destroy self-esteem, not build it. In order to build self-esteem, a child must have four things:

• Consistency, the ability to feel like previous lessons will continue to be applicable,
• Agency, the ability to make decisions that they believe matter,
• Competence, the ability to overcome challenges, and
• Associations, the ability to maintain a stable group of peers to interact with.

Establishing Consistency means creating a regular routine and enforcing a set of rules that doesn't change without warning. For example: a child who gets giggles for using a vulgar biological term one day but gets punished for using the same term the next day cannot establish a 'value' for that action. The most common result is that they will keep using it, trying to figure out what factor it was that got them the 'jackpot' that first time around. Often, they will simply continue to get punished more and more severely until they realize that they have failed and they will never get that positive result again. That's not the basis for good self-esteem.

Another very important element of consistency is establishing expectations. Especially for a child with special needs, it's very important that you explain to them before any new experience exactly what you expect of them -- how to act and how to react. This will also give you a chance to manage their expectations, explaining to them what is about to happen and why their actions and reactions are important.

Allowing Agency means teaching your special needs child that they have the right to make decisions about their lives, and sometimes about parts of the lives of others. At almost every juncture at which the long-term result isn't going to be negatively impacted, a child should be given options (all of which should be acceptable, obviously) and allowed to choose between them. You should praise wise choices, and unless it's untenable, ignore bad ones (i.e. allow them to make a bad choice and experience the results themselves without 'rubbing it in.')

Encouraging Competence means recognizing the areas in which your child is capable and encouraging them to test the limits of their capability. If they are capable of dressing themselves, make a contest out of it by timing them while they do so. If they want to enter a contest, participate in a sport, or otherwise put themselves in a situation where failure is a real potential, don't keep them from it unless it's absolutely necessary for their safety. Failure doesn't lead to low self-esteem -- but being told you're not even allowed to try totally does.

Enabling Associations means helping your child find a group they can belong to that will continue to be there for them as time goes by. Whether it's a soccer team, the Girl Scouts, or just a few good friends who consistently come over to do homework together, having a regular set of associations is the single factor most strongly correlated with good self-esteem in any person, child or adult, special needs or not.

Also read: The Value of Playing in a Child's Development

The Natural Development of a Child

Raising a child can be a learning experience for the parent as well as the child. The various child stages are milestones to be achieved from being an infant to becoming a teenager. The stages are to be celebrated and enjoyed as they grow into successful young adults.

Child stages begin with preterm infants, which are when the baby was born earlier than expected and not around the forty week period which is for a term baby. Preterm infants, otherwise called "preemies" are smaller in size and require a longer stay in the hospital until they can successfully eat from a bottle, sleep without any breathing apparatuses and when they have reached a certain weight limit which is generally around five pounds. They many require certain additional help at home until they can feed and sleep as a full term baby would.

Read also: Helene Goldnadel on Developing a Sense of Self

Next in child stages would be the infant stage, which is from around one month to almost two years old. During these months the child will grow immensely and learn to walk, crawl, feed themselves, sleep all night, speak and even begin potty training. These are the biggest years as far as development is concerned for the child that they will endure their entire lives. There seems to be a new change in their skills and progression each week until the child is two years old from walking to climbing and these months are the ones when you must watch the child at all times until they can safely move about the home without suffering from any injuries from falling.

The next years in child stages are the called the children stages. This is from the ages of two until they are eleven years old. These years are when the child will graduate to attend school, begin to play on team sports, begin to dress and care for themselves and not be as dependent on you the parents as they previously were. While the child is growing they may begin with attending preschool classes then progress to a kindergarten setting when they are five years old.

These years are generally not mandatory for a child to graduate, but it is encouraged to prepare them for a smooth transition into first grade and those to come so they are not so attached to you the parents. After the elementary school years the last in child stages is the adolescent one, which is from a twelve year old until an eighteen year old. This is the teen years that can be a tad tricky, but it is important to support your child and to allow them to become the people they want to be as adults.

Helene Goldnadel says that always have open communication with your children and be a good listener even when they are preschoolers, as when they want to tell you about their day and their lies they are doing so to engage with you. For information on child stages, you can do some research on the web for free to ensure your child is right where they should be.

Ways by Helene Goldnadel to Promote Creativity in Your Child!

Creativity is most often associated with the Arts but did you know anybody and everybody is creative to some extent? Creativity is not simply the talent to execute some artistic skill, but a thought process. Artistic talent is simply a tool to express creativity... and it is only one in a plethora! Creativity is displayed in many different ways. It can be used to create something entirely original and unique, put to work in using old concepts in new context, or called upon to adapt already existing ideas into something a little more relevant. It can be summoned out of boredom, necessity, or simply for the sake of expression.

Children are naturally masters of creativity. They do not automatically have a set vision of how the world should be. They explore their way through each day and learn through stretching themselves out into their environments, reaching further where they are not impeded and withdrawing where they find it is too difficult to proceed. Parents can help their children discover paths to creativity in many different ways. Below are few of the things that Helene Goldnadel has discovered to be great creativity builders and avenues to creative living. (...not in any particular order.)

1) Let your children be bored. We know, this is a pain in the neck, but forcing your child to think, dream, and invent ways to entertain themselves will help your child develop thought patterns that will improve the quality of his or her life.

2) Raise readers! Reading encourages children to think in many different ways and many hours of creative play can be invented around the contents of one book!

3) Encourage your children to play. Creative play is an excellent platform for learning and vital in the development of healthy, happy, children.

4) Hold off critiquing the 'artwork' or 'artistic expressions' of younger children (preadolescence). Have your children explain their work to you instead of guessing what they are showing you. Point out concepts that your child has executed correctly, not what he or she has done wrong. Ex: Wow, your drawing is perfectly balanced! How did you think to add that bird up there? You did a great job of filling up your whole page and I love your use of contrasting colors!

5) Push your child to think of 'one more'... one more way to draw a cat, one more word that rhymes with moose, one more way to move across the room. Artists draw multiple sketches, called thumbnails, to help them design a finished piece and it is necessary to push passed the obvious idea to be able to produce interesting work.

6) Be creative yourself! Come on, we know you've got it in you! Think of a dinner that your family loves and present it in a new way... Think of a fun car game and change one thing about it... Wear an article of clothing in a way it was not intended to be worn... Write a poem, choose new colors for your washroom, draw something... Anything that gives birth to new thought will do! Creativity breeds creativity!

Read also: Does Your Child Benefit From Preschool? Helene Goldnadel Explains

How Parents Contribute to the Development of Shyness?

Of all the people we interact with as children, parents play a major role in the formation of our personality. For shy people, their parents play a significant part in their becoming shy as well. It's worth understanding how this works.

A Positive Intention with a Bad Outcome

First off, this is the proper moment to emphasize the almost every parent that contributes to their child developing shyness is well intentioned. They don't want their child to become socially inhibited or to lack a social life.

Parents just pass along lessons and models of behavior in an attempt to educate their children in the proper way. However, despite their positive intention, the outcome may not turn out to be positive.

Most timid individuals come from your average family. There is no major drama in their childhood. They just get certain messages on a consistent basis, directly or indirectly, that encourage them to be afraid of putting themselves out there.

Creating Shyness with Words

One key way parents contribute to the development of shyness in their children is through the things they say to them, often intended as words of wisdom. Many shy people have often been told in the past, one way or another, to please others and avoid at all cost getting rejected.

For example, many timid individuals report that as children, whenever they would say something even slightly impolite, they would be admonished by their parents and told that they are rude or bad.

Such minor events happening over and over again, in a period of many years, quickly sticks in the child's head the idea that they must always please others and never do anything inappropriate. And since they do realize this is almost impossible, they eventually become afraid of authentically interacting with people.

The Influence of Behavioral Models

Many shy people have had models of shy behavior as children, in their parents. Children have a very strong tendency to internalize the type of behavior they see around them, especially in their close family members.

If a child sees a parent being withdrawn and being very careful around others, their mind involuntarily takes in this kind of behavior and attitude as being the proper one. Thus, the child begins to mimic the same kind of behavior and become shy.

We could say that parents teach children how to be shy by providing a good model for it. For this reason, many of the cases where shy parents have shy children are not proof that shyness is transmitted genetically. Rather, they are proof that it is transmitted through family education and natural behavior modeling.

Whatever role parents play in the development of shyness, it is often a significant one. However, blaming parents now that you comprehend this, is pretty much purposeless and useless.

Helene Goldnadel says that whatever happened in the past needs to stay in the past. Accept it, don't hold a grudge towards your parents and move on with your life. If you want to improve you life now, your focus needs to be on addressing shyness in the present moment and effectively overcoming it.

Also read: Helene Goldnadel on Promoting Imagination to Your Child

Child's Personality Type by Helene Goldnadel

Child development experts are still locked in a debate over nature versus nurture. It is the longstanding argument over whether a person's innate qualities ("nature") or her personal experiences ("nurture") carry more importance in determining individual differences in her physical, behavioral, and personality traits.

As a parent, you may have often wondered what your child's personality type is. Although tons of books on parenting and child development have coined many different terms to describe children's temperaments, they pretty much boil down to these three basic types:

The difficult or spirited type finds it difficult to adapt to new situations and often tends to have a negative attitude. If your child easily gets frustrated when things do not go her way, she might belong to this type. For example, if she insists on getting that pricey doll in the baby boutique and you say no, before you know it she will probably start an elaborate public tantrum and not stop until you give in. Some children are just naturally harder to manage than others and a spirited child can still be taught limits and healthy self-expression over time.

The slow-to-warm-up or shy type is very cautious when facing new situations and is usually slow to warm up to new people. If your little one finds it difficult to socialize with other children, she might belong to this type. While shyness is not necessarily a "problem," you can help her break out of her shell. Help her build self-esteem by praising her whenever she tries new things. Pretty soon, she may be happily showing off her massive hair accessories collection to her new friends.

The easy type is upbeat and adapts easily to new people and situations. Her response intensity is mild to moderate. An upbeat child can be a joy and a challenge too. Children under this type are usually easygoing, sociable and have positive temperaments and on good days, there's nothing challenging about that! She loves being with her friends and meeting new ones. And she is usually the type who does not mind sharing her baby gifts with others.

Of course, these basic types are far too general to sufficiently describe your wonderful little tot. So here are a few more key characteristics discussed by Helene Goldnadel to help you define your child's personality type:

Energy level: Can your child sit quietly long enough to read a book? Or is she in perpetual motion? It is not just her behavior during the day that her energy level affects. It also affects the quantity and quality of her sleep at night, and this can in turn affect her behavior the following day.

Adaptability: How does your child adjust to new situations? Does this reaction change over time? For example, she may be uncomfortable going to a new place like school at first, but she may warm up to her surroundings eventually.

Intensity: How intense are your child's emotional reactions? This goes for both positive and negative reactions. For example, if she is prone to tantrums, she is likely to be described as an intense child.

Mood: If you could sum up her general attitude in one word, what would it be? Some children tend to be naturally upbeat, while others tend to be melancholy.

Attention span: Is your child able to stick with a task without getting distracted? For example, if she cannot do her homework when someone is talking or music is being played, it could be because she has a short attention span.

Sensory threshold: How much stimulation does your child require before she responds? For example, some children find even the faintest noise annoying while others are not bothered even with a steady bombardment of TV, radio and computer noise all at once.

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